Okay so I told my friend Ron that I would go to Vegas with him if he paid for the deposit on my new apartment with my Fiance. At first she said it was fine, that she would let me go. Now she is having second thoughts, and I don't blame her because frankly Ron is a perv. See I met Ron on the internet about two years ago and he's a great friend, but something is off about him wanting to take me to Vegas alone. I know I shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place but I felt obligated because he was paying the deposit on a new apartment that me and JB desperately need.
So JB said that she would pay for her own plane ticket and other expenses to come along. Ron is having a shit fit over this. He knows I am engaged to JB but he doesn't want her to come along. Does this seem fishy to anyone? I don't know, now he's acting like JB coming with him is this major burden on him or some shit. I don't think it is, I think he's overreacting. I mean I spent the whole day with him Friday and everything was on the up and up, but everyone down to my sister thinks that me going alone to a hotel in Vegas with him is a bad idea.
Laura (My sister) Says that by going to Vegas with him and sharing a room with him is like writing a blank check. Meaning that it's like saying, "Go ahead, sleep with me, you paid for this trip you paid for my apartment, I owe you." When in actuality that's not the deal we had at all. JB was only okay with this because she knew that he was paying for the apartment, the money we couldn't have come up with in time.
Now JB says she wants to go, and I don't blame her. I don't blame my sister for getting pissed either. We all know what kind of pervert Ron is, the first year we were friends he wanted TOO MUCH from me. Taking naked photos of me, grabbing my ass, sexual enuendo, all that stuff. Then for four months I didn't talk to him at all cause I thought he was getting to be too much. Then in February he comes back into my life, and claims he is a changed man. Now I do have to admit that he has changed, he hasn't made one sex joke about me to him. I've made my jabs at him but he has been different.
The only thing I have to judge this trip on is this. When I had only known Ron for 2 months he offered to take me to an Evanescence concert out of town. Two hours out of town. In Columbus. I live in Cleveland. He was holding that trip over my head too. We did, in fact go, and we had a good time. If it wasn't for him I would have never seen Evanescence perform live (they are my all time favorite band) and now they have disbanded and that means there will never be another Evanescence concert, so I have him to thank for this. But even after the trip I felt like I still had to be friends with him cause lets face it, he paid for the tickets, he paid for the gas, and he paid for dinner and drinks. Months later when I didn't want to do something with him, he would bring up the Evanescence concert.
Now I am borderline personality, and with that comes paranoia. Wanna know all the things I think could happen on this trip? He could drug me, he could rape me, he could KILL me. I don't want to die, I don't want to be raped (for a second time in my life) and I don't want to be drugged. I am scared that if he kills me then he'll have to backtrack and kill JB. He'll be able to do it too. I mean he could kill me and then show up at our new apartment and JB will let him in, or at least come to the door...he could kill her too! Rediculous, I know. But I am afraid nonetheless. What am I supposed to do?
I am such a control freak (my emetophobia speaks to that, and if you don't know what emetophobia is...then God created GOOGLE for you) I am so afraid of being out of control. Ron is a big guy 6 foot 3, 200 pounds maybe? I am so bad at estimating these things. Anyway he could easily pin me the hell down and do what he wants to me. He contests that if he wanted to he could have already done it. I contest that we haven't ever been 1000 miles away from home where I knew no one and couldn't escape him. It's different when you are 1000 miles away from home. JB couldn't save me, Laura couldn't save me, hell my dad couldn't pull out his imaginary shot gun and save me. I'd be alone and scared and have to fend for myself and I'm really bad at that.
To top this all off, I HATE PLANE RIDES! I am going on a plane with a man who I don't really like, to be stuck next to him for 3 hours, on a sedative mind you, because I don't get on planes without sedatives...God what am I going to do? This is a major fuckarow but I can't back out of it now because if I do, I lose Ron as a friend, but on the other hand I'm scared out of my mind. Scared for my safety and JB's. I'm also scared of the "I told you so's" If I get raped. What the FUCK am I going to do?
~Monica
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Day One: Commence Stomach Problems
I guess that's an appropriate name for my first blog. Yes, this is day one of me freaking the hell out. I guess you could say that I'm about to make a MAJOR life change for a woman that I have only known for two months, and have only actually been with for a total of two weeks!
It all started a few months ago when I wrote a fan fic called "Blood On The Bracelet". It's a House M.D fan fic. Now the funny thing is I wasn't even going to write it cause I thought no one would read it. As it turns out, it's my most reviewed story on FanFiction.net. I mean it didn't get an assload of reviews but really, it was and still is my most popular fics. So anyway this girl (who's screen name was JBLovesSharks) sent me a private message to rave about what an amazing writer I am.
Now I am not with my head up my own ass, in fact I think LOTS of people can write better than me. I'm not going to say I'm a shitty writer either, I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I believe, though, if I can come up with an original story line that's compelling, then it won't matter how much I think I suck...people will be drawn in by the plot.
Anyway, so me and JB start talking on private messages for about a month. Then she PMs me her cell number and asks if we can text each other. I was totally up for that because on the family plan I am on with my family, I have unlimited texts to any number. So day by day we start texting each other non stop. This moved to instant messages on AIM, every night until maybe 1 or 2 in the morning!
Another month passes and she decides that she wants to meet me (as much as I want to meet her) and one random day she hops a bus from Long Island to Cleveland Ohio (where I am). The first time we met, it was like meeting someone that I had known my whole life. We came back to my apartment and I held her in my arms until she and I fell asleep. The rest is history.
The first time, she stayed for a week and we looked at apartments together. Sounds fast, I know, but like we click so much! I was telling my sister that it's different with hetero relationships, but when you are a lesbian (like myself) finding the perfect girl is like one in a million. Seriously! Besides she's my one in a million in more ways than one. We connect so perfectly that it's just, I mean....come on! I need no push to be with her, I want her around me all the time, I just love her so much.
She just left a few hours ago, I took her to the bus station and stayed with her for a few hours. We just sat there and talked before she told me that I could leave. *Sigh* She's just amazing. Anyway this week that she was here, we looked at more apartments. We found the PERFECT place and it's RIGHT down the street from where I am now. No major moving at all! Snoogans!
We needed someone to co-sign on the apartment application and my friend did it (instead of my dad, because honestly, if he knew we were moving in this fast he'd cut me off and I desperately need his money...no I'm not spoiled either, I don't even have a car, so get that out of your mind!) It's a two bedroom apartment in a basement. Comes with airconditioning and a gas range! I've never had a gas range before! Not that I cook...EVER...but I think that is so cool. JB is the cook in the relationship, now if only I could get over my emetophobia and eat what she cooks that would be great, but my emetophobia story is totally for another time.
Now there is the small task of coming up with the security deposite and first months rent. JB says that she can have it in a little while, she's expecting a big check from her dad for helping flip a house out in Long Island. She's hoping to get that so we can jump on the apartment and totally move in. I just have to move her here, and move to a new apartment WITHOUT my dad finding out. I mean my parents have met JB and they really like her, but I just MENTIONED the possibility of JB moving to Cleveland to my mom and she totally flipped. If she knew that we were actually going through with it....oh boy. This is one of those times I hate having such a Jewish mother. (I'm Catholic, converted, but that's also another story for another time).
Okay I think that's all I wanted to say. JB and I are perfectly happy even though we are almost polar opposites. She left her little stuffed leopard here with me, his name is Leopold and now I have something to cuddle with when I sleep...since JB is gone. Oh boy. I don't think life could get any better at this point. Everything is falling into place. Thank GOD!
~Monica
It all started a few months ago when I wrote a fan fic called "Blood On The Bracelet". It's a House M.D fan fic. Now the funny thing is I wasn't even going to write it cause I thought no one would read it. As it turns out, it's my most reviewed story on FanFiction.net. I mean it didn't get an assload of reviews but really, it was and still is my most popular fics. So anyway this girl (who's screen name was JBLovesSharks) sent me a private message to rave about what an amazing writer I am.
Now I am not with my head up my own ass, in fact I think LOTS of people can write better than me. I'm not going to say I'm a shitty writer either, I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I believe, though, if I can come up with an original story line that's compelling, then it won't matter how much I think I suck...people will be drawn in by the plot.
Anyway, so me and JB start talking on private messages for about a month. Then she PMs me her cell number and asks if we can text each other. I was totally up for that because on the family plan I am on with my family, I have unlimited texts to any number. So day by day we start texting each other non stop. This moved to instant messages on AIM, every night until maybe 1 or 2 in the morning!
Another month passes and she decides that she wants to meet me (as much as I want to meet her) and one random day she hops a bus from Long Island to Cleveland Ohio (where I am). The first time we met, it was like meeting someone that I had known my whole life. We came back to my apartment and I held her in my arms until she and I fell asleep. The rest is history.
The first time, she stayed for a week and we looked at apartments together. Sounds fast, I know, but like we click so much! I was telling my sister that it's different with hetero relationships, but when you are a lesbian (like myself) finding the perfect girl is like one in a million. Seriously! Besides she's my one in a million in more ways than one. We connect so perfectly that it's just, I mean....come on! I need no push to be with her, I want her around me all the time, I just love her so much.
She just left a few hours ago, I took her to the bus station and stayed with her for a few hours. We just sat there and talked before she told me that I could leave. *Sigh* She's just amazing. Anyway this week that she was here, we looked at more apartments. We found the PERFECT place and it's RIGHT down the street from where I am now. No major moving at all! Snoogans!
We needed someone to co-sign on the apartment application and my friend did it (instead of my dad, because honestly, if he knew we were moving in this fast he'd cut me off and I desperately need his money...no I'm not spoiled either, I don't even have a car, so get that out of your mind!) It's a two bedroom apartment in a basement. Comes with airconditioning and a gas range! I've never had a gas range before! Not that I cook...EVER...but I think that is so cool. JB is the cook in the relationship, now if only I could get over my emetophobia and eat what she cooks that would be great, but my emetophobia story is totally for another time.
Now there is the small task of coming up with the security deposite and first months rent. JB says that she can have it in a little while, she's expecting a big check from her dad for helping flip a house out in Long Island. She's hoping to get that so we can jump on the apartment and totally move in. I just have to move her here, and move to a new apartment WITHOUT my dad finding out. I mean my parents have met JB and they really like her, but I just MENTIONED the possibility of JB moving to Cleveland to my mom and she totally flipped. If she knew that we were actually going through with it....oh boy. This is one of those times I hate having such a Jewish mother. (I'm Catholic, converted, but that's also another story for another time).
Okay I think that's all I wanted to say. JB and I are perfectly happy even though we are almost polar opposites. She left her little stuffed leopard here with me, his name is Leopold and now I have something to cuddle with when I sleep...since JB is gone. Oh boy. I don't think life could get any better at this point. Everything is falling into place. Thank GOD!
~Monica
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